About Marriage And Divorce
Society often dictates the kind of actions we take in our lives, especially when it comes to marriage and divorce. King Henry VIII started an entire church so he could divorce his first wife in order to marry again. History has also shown us examples of when divorce was considered taboo, and marriage was thought of as a lifelong duty. Fathers would marry off their daughters to men they never laid eyes on before simply because it made an “agreeable match,” securing either wealth, prestige, or both. Today things are much different and society tends to look upon divorce not as taboo, but rather as an unspoken option with marriage.
A lack of proper communication in a marriage is viewed by some as the leading factor behind a divorce. Endless negative comments by your spouse can bring down even the happiest of individuals, leaving you feeling dejected and miserable. Overcoming negativity in a marriage can be difficult, but it is possible. Some ways to avoid negativity can be listening to a favorite song, taking a walk or reading a good book. Spouses can help their partner overcome negativity by not taking it personally and looking for underlying causes. Using positive reinforcement, such as surrounding yourselves with positive people, spending quality time with one another, or acknowledging positive accomplishments can help break the chain of negativity. In the long run, positive conversations and attitudes can be the difference between marriage and divorce.
Ideals about marriage and divorce can also come from family history. Children of divorced mothers and fathers will often possess a fear of failing in their own marriage, especially if their parent’s divorce was wrought with hateful bickering and a lack of affection. In fact, some studies report that children coming from a broken home are twice as likely to experience divorce in their marriage. Coming from a divorced parent makes the act itself an option in case the marriage doesn’t work out. It can often set a standard for what marriage is supposed to be like when children of a broken home decide to enter matrimony. Before entering a marriage, it is important you talk about family origin before walking down the aisle. Ask each other about your childhood and what your parent’s relationships were like growing up. This can help clear the air between you, helping establish what you want from the marriage.
Financial strain can play a role in marriage and divorce. It is important to understand what your financial expectations are for the marriage before entering into matrimony. Ask yourselves if there is to be joint checking accounts or separate checking accounts. Find out if you both have the same saving goals and then find a happy medium if there is an inherent difference. Looking at your personal spending habits is emphatically important before getting married because you have to understand where the money is going to go most of the time when you live under one roof. Too often we let money dictate our lives, but avoid talking about it because the topic seems too personal and invasive. But discussing the role finances will play in your marriage is as important as discussing parental roles when you decide to have children.
History’s idea of marriage and divorce is drastically different than what exists in today’s society. Over the centuries, the idea of getting a divorce if one’s marriage wasn’t working out has become somewhat automatic. Perhaps this can change with the next few generations if more emphasis is placed on the importance of communicating before and after marriage. Getting everything out in the open before taking on the commitment of marriage can help a couple cope with the natural difficulties that arise in a relationship which is intended to last a lifetime. It can reiterate the dreams and desires that made two people want to spend their lives together in the first place, making divorce seem like a not-so-appealing option.
By Relationships Editor
